Entering Kakariko Village - Screenshot Roundup 36

Meeting Hestu & Rescuing His Maracas - Screenshot Roundup 35

That's A Very Nice Set of...Maracas You Have There

Satisfied with my progress at the stable, I wait for morning by the campfire before finishing the trek to Kakariko. On my way out, I talk to the twins Domidak and Prissen. I want them to know I found the treasure before they did, but I can’t. They just continue to mock me and say I’ll never find it. I suppose Link is more modest than myself. With nothing else to do here, I hop on Fabio and set off for Kakariko Village and Impa.

A lot of NPCs, a lot of bad haircuts.

Kakariko Bridge

After rounding a small mountain, I spot another bridge ahead of me, this time stone. I also see someone approaching me on horseback. It’s a woman with short, brown hair. Her name is Toma, and she loves fashion. Apparently, Kakariko Village has some of her favorite stuff too. She’s not a merchant though, just a traveler. Like me, I guess. I think these one-off NPCs add some nice flavor to the world. Not everyone has to give me a quest or try and help me save the world.

I say goodbye to Toma and cross the bridge without issue. No monsters so far, but a lot of ingredients to pick up. I find something new, an Armorrant. Looks like a flower, but I guess it’s edible. It’ll raise my defense when used to cook with. Cool. I also find some Ironshrooms that do the same, and some random flowers and bugs as well. I’m climbing off Fabio every few meters just so I can hop off and gather up all the shiny objects I can hold. Klepto Link, you’d fit right at home in an Elder Scrolls game.

Majestic music plays.

As the path rounds the mountain, I can see down the cliffs below into a massive forest. Trees and hills dot the landscape and I can see another tower off in the distance. Wonder when I’ll get sent there.

Not much further up and I see another person on the road. Well, maybe a person. From a distance, I first thought it might be a Goron - a brown, vaguely pear-shaped blob. But as I got closer I can see that it’s actually a giant Korok. Like, massive compared to Link. He’s got what looks like a treetop sprouting from his head as hair, big bushy eyebrows (made of wood), and a satchel around his waist.

Hetsu is his name. Hey, that first Korok told me about you! And aww, he’s so sad. Someone stole something from him - his maracas! Poor guy. As a latino, I feel your pain. The culprits are still nearby though, and I can help him get them back. After agreeing, I see a new side quest has started.

The Priceless Maracas

Yes I will help you...but I have a lot of questions.

I leave Fabio with Hestu, as my targets are only just up the path. A couple of rocky outcroppings with a small tunnel seems to be their base. Walking in that way seems like it would be a trap, so let’s put this new Climbing Bandana to good use.

I climb up the rocks until I am above the thieves. It’s a trio of dark colored bokoblins. I can see a locked chest on a platform, and I bet that’s holding the maracas. The bokoblins have’t noticed me at all yet, but that could change if I daly. So let’s not. I pull out my bow and knotch it - and then change the arrow type. Perfect time to test out these bomb arrows, don’t you think?

One explosion and 3 dead bokoblins later, I am pleased to say bomb arrows are very strong. Even stronger than my Remote Bombs, I think. One chest-unlocking fanfare later, I hop down from my perch, gather up their remains, and open my chest. Maracas ho!

*cackles maniacally*

I walk back out to the path and down to Hestu, who is waiting patiently with Fabio. Hestu is so very happy to get his maracas back. Sadly though, they are empty and can't make any noise. Bummer, dude. Then he sniffs the air - he smells the Korok Seeds on me. In exchange for giving him one, he will expand one of my inventory spaces! So that’s what they are for! I say yes and select weapons, and he does a very elaborate dance for me, culminating in a loud *pop* and explosion of leaves, as I see my weapon inventory except by one. He allows me to do this one more time, charging me two seeds instead of one, and after another dance I have another slot. After that, he says he has to get going back to the Korok Forest. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again soon enough buddy!

Tetris: Korok Edition

I hop back on Fabio and continue up the mountain path to the village. The road narrows as we enter a valley, a natural barrier for the town. I pass a few oddities on the way. The first is on my left - a fairly obvious Korok puzzle. Two sets of metal cubes, one with a “loose” cube, and I have to use it to make them match. Poof, there he is: Korok!

The second is a little more interesting. So, I’m headed to Kakariko Village, a place in Zelda games where historically the Sheikah Tribe live or originated. I’ve had several run-ins with them so far in the form of the towers and shrines, and other places, and this is no exception. As I get closer to the town, I pass under some awnings featuring various symbols. Triangles, eyes, what have you. All symbols I am familiar with, the Sheikah tribe and the Hylian Royal Family.

Kakariko Village

Again, I would like to inquire about that Getty award.

Rain gently falls as Fabio slows to a trot. I pass under the final gate and the town’s name flashing on my screen. I see a white-haired woman sitting under a tree, and she greets me. She asks who I am, but then takes notice of my Sheikah Slate and seems to understand. She points me to Impa, at the center of town. I thank her and allow Fabio to continue on the path through the town, the building I’m looking for at the bottom near the waterfalls.

The skies clear as Fabio makes his way to the center. The town is big, and if it’s not geographically bigger than past iterations then it’s at least more populated. I pass by a number of white haired men and women, even see a few children. There’s farms, cuckoos, shops. It’s honestly lovely.

I stop Fabio once he’s reached the bottom of the town’s hill, Impa’s house ahead of me.

Time to see what’s next.

---

Heart Containers: 4
Shrines Completed: 7
Koroks Found: 17
Maracas Recovered: 2
Inventory Spaces Expanded: Also 2
Eyes Shot Out: 1

Climbing to Misko's Treasure Cache & Finding a Stalnox - Screenshot Roundup 34

Little Twin Bridge & Hickaly Woods - Screenshot Roundup 33

Horses and Beetles and Bears, Oh Crap

I have a horse! After I finish registering him, I let myself gallop around stable a little so I can get used to the controls. Seems like horses are, for the most part, smart enough to follow a path on their own. I say for the most part because there seems to be some training involved. Fabio keeps veering off the trail, forcing me to correct him. I figure out the taming process pretty easily. He does what he’s not supposed to, I correct him, I pet him, he loves me more. I’ll have him fully trained in no time.

...I know you...

I meet another couple of wandering merchants at the stable. The first is Agus. He is farmer who comes from Hateno Village, the other town nearby. He travels here with his donkey, selling eggs, milk, and butter - even more ingredients. The other merchant is a familiar face: Beedle! Obviously not the same Beedle, but an ancestor of those in past games. Without any sort of transportation this time, he lugs around his wares in an oversized backpack which comical is shaped like a beetle. He sells a variety of goods, arrows, some bugs, and something called an Octo Balloon. I don’t buy anything, but before he lets me go, he notices I have a beetle on me that I must have caught earlier. He BEGS me to trade it to him. I’m actually too uncomfortable to say no, so I let him. I can always get more. He gives me a Mighty Elixir in exchange. I guess that works.

Little Twin Bridge

Now, time for some treasure hunting. I guide Fabio over the Big Twin Bridge, and then further down the path past the turn to go through the mountain. It’s peaceful, and before long I’m also crossing over the Little Twin Bridge, the name appearing and fading away. The path eventually ends, forcing me to manually steer my still unruly horse along the river bank. Up ahead, I can see the waterfall hat would be the mouth of the river. On the top, I can see some…discoloration? I’m going to guess It’s a bombable rock wall, hiding the treasure cache.

I already made a joke about leading a
horse to water in the last one, didn't I?

I continue to follow the river on my horse until I’m at the base of the waterfall, where I must dismount Fabio to continue my trek. After hopping into the river, I wade through the shallow water to cross a few rocky outcrops. There’s a lone rock on one of them – you guessed it, Korok! Back to the waterfalls, I figure out pretty quickly that I need to climb up alongside it – the water obviously makes the actual waterfall too slippery to climb.

I make it about half way up without issue. There’s a small “shelf” where I can rest and regain my stamina before continuing. I pick up a few silent shrooms growing along the cliffside, and I pull myself up to the top. Looking out over Hickaly Woods, towards the stable, I again take a moment to take in the beauty of the game.

Then I turn around and blow up a chunk of it.

Can video game screenshots win Getty Awards?

After blowing out the wall blocking the cave entrance, I enter to find a shit-ton of chests, just as the sidequest is marked off as completed. Ha, those two chumps couldn’t figure it out. I go through all the chests and collect a number of gem stones, a nice Throwing Spear and a FLAMEBLADE. The effects on it are really cool looking – the flames apparently need time to “heat up” and you can see the sword actually charge before turning bright red. Awesome. I gather everything up and organize it before exiting the cave.

Hickaly Woods

It’s starting to rain and get a little dark so I should get back to the stable. I jump from the waterfall and float down with my paraglider. As I land next to Fabio, it starts to rain. Great. Let’s get out of here, horse. Easier said then done. Still not fully trained, I have a hard time getting Fabio to listen to me as we try and exit the woods and make our way back to the bridge. After a few false starts I find myself in the middle of the woods, struggling to get my bearings.

WHAT IS HAPPENING

Just as I am about to pull out the map, a roar to my left startles me, as does the BEAR CHARGING AT ME. Without thinking I set Fabio off into gallop, taking me further into the woods. I don’t go for very long though before I see something that terrifies me. A giant, walking, one eyed skeleton. And I’m headed right for it. In a blind panic I throw open the map and fast travel back to the shrine near the stable. Fabio does not warp with me. I am sorry to sacrifice you, horse friend. ☹

---

I reappear at Ha Dahamar Shrine sans horse. I head into the stable to give myself a moment to catch my wits. What the fuck was that giant ass skeleton thing in the woods? What the fuck was a bear doing in the woods? Okay, wait, the woods, nevermind that one checks out. I pop open my map, and I can see the little horse icon in the middle of the forest where I abandoned Fabio. Probably getting eaten by that skeleton. Or that bear. Or both.

WHAT IS HAPPENING

As I walk back to the stable, I see that the rain has cleared, and there is a rainbow shooting across the sky.

I’m a murderer.

Manslaughterer?

Horseslaughterer.

I move to the front to speak with Tasseren, though he doesn’t seem to think anything is wrong. Has he not yet learned of my crimes? He asks if I’d like to take out a horse, and I say yes, assuming the game will give me an error message about the horse already being out. But nope, there’s Fabio, in all his glory! Thanks for risking your life, Tass.

I do my best to give my horsey friend a hug. Then I take out an apple, intending to feed it to him, but he chomps it right out of my hand! Didn’t know they could do that. Glad I didn’t lose a finger, either.

Alright, I’m getting a little sick and tired of everything in this game scaring the shit out of me. Starting to become more of a problem then it is funny. Fuck that giant-ass skeleton. I’m gonna take him the fuck down.

---

Or he is going to take himself down, I guess. I reenter Hickaly Woods with Fabio very, very carefully. No signs of any bears nor giant walking skeletons, but I do spot this...weird blue rabbit thing. It also looks kind of...fairy like? No idea what it was though.

I have no idea what's happening anymore.

Not much further in than that though is when I find our skeleton friend. Or what is left of him I guess. He’s on the ground - hell, parts of him are buried in the ground - and not moving. From a safe vantage point, I try seeing if I can do anything to get him up. Bombs, arrows, other weapons - nothing. Just stays there on the ground like an unmoving...skeleton.

Well, it is daylight now, and the only other skeletons I’ve met in this game are only active at night. Willing to bet if I came back out here at night, he’d be awake enough for me.

...let’s save that for after Kakariko.

---

Heart Containers: 4
Shrines Completed: 7
Koroks Found: 16
Horses Abandoned: 1 0
Bears Faced: 1
Skeletons Walking Around: 0, for now

Getting Thrown Off A Lot of Fucking Horses - Screenshot Roundup 32

Ha Dahamar Shrine, Ice Columns, and Horse Taming - Screenshot Roundup 31

You Can Chase a Horse to Water, But It’s Going to Try and Fuck You Up

The Water Guides

    ~Ha Dahamar Shrine~

Does it now? Entering the Shrine, I am met with a long hallway instead of the usual open room. Must be a fairly linear trial. I head forward towards a waterfall, flowing into a small pool before a raised platform. I use Cryonis to make myself a platform from the water and climb up to the next platform, simple.

The next platform, though, is separated by a gap. There’s another waterfall but it just goes straight down, there’s no water for me to make a pillar to climb in. What the hell? I try making the jump once, obviously I don’t even come close.

...Well played, game.

It’s only after I turn on Cryonis again and move the cursor over the waterfall that I see what I’m supposed to do. Cryonis can even be used sideways on waterfalls, making the columns stick out on their side. To be fair, logic would dictate that the ice would fall to the ground, but hey, magic! This is way more cool then it is annoying. Not sure why I never thought of something like that. This game is expanding my mind in all kinds of ways.

I make my first sideways pillar, close enough to jump to and climb up, but it is apparent that I'll need to make a second to gross the gap. Turning to look at my handiwork, I spot a chest dangling over the platform i just crossed from. I make another pillar to climb up and retrieve a Purple Rupee.

Okay this is a bit much.

The hallway opens up after that, wide. I see sets of stairs leading me slightly higher, but they dead end into the wall. To my right, however, is a MASSIVE wall of water across a huge gap. Against this wall of water are a number of ramps, with a key-orb perpetually rolling down the ramps and into the abyss. The keyhole for the orb lies at the bottom of the room, attached to what I assume is the chamber holding Ha Dahamar and the Spirit Orb.

This the most puzzly shrine I’ve come across so far. I need to use Cryonis to create a stop gap and prevent the orb from falling into the pit. The first one I simple, I just position it so that the orb will run into it and then drop down. However on that level, one of the ramps is attached to an axel and so can’t support the orbs weight, spinning and dropping it. So I make a second pillar underneath, preventing it from rotating when the orb hits it. Finally, I create one last pillar to help the orb clear the last gap and roll into its slot.

Ha Dahamar

I climb back down the stairs and enter the final room, greeting Ha Dahamar and earning another Spirit Orb. Back to the stable!

Dueling Peaks Stable

Back outside the shrine, I notice that all the spikes surrounding the Shrine are gone, allowing me to walk safely back to the stable. Thanks Ha Dahamar! Sagessa is standing on the shore, staring at the Shrine. She talks of how the Shrines are around 10,000 years old. Also she finds the glowing light romantic. You do you, girl.

Now, I have some options for what to do next. Obviously I still need to get to Kakariko, but I’ve never been the kind of person to focus only on the main storyline. I have a quest I could do, hunting down the treasure cache before those two brothers do. There’s also a matter of this horse contest I was challenged to. Winning that will complete the quest AND I get a shiny new horse. Given the size of the map, a horse would be very useful. Decision made.

Wild Horses

That’s the name of the quest. Before speaking with Rensa I talk to the other residents at the stable, gathering as much much horse info as I can. Then I speak with Rensa again, this time I agree to his contest. I have two minutes to find, catch, and return with a horse. Yeehaw.

Bubinga Forest

The timer starts, and I’m off! I race behind the stable and into the nearby woods. I spot a herd of horses strolling together along the Squabble River. From what the twins at the stable told me, horses that are a solid color are harder to tame, but have better stats, while horses that have spots or multiple colors are easier to tame, but slower ad with less stamina.

There was a lot of this.

Not one to half ass anything, I set my eyes on a pretty brown horse with a dark mane. The other horses seem to be of the multi-color variety so they’re of little use to me, but even with the time limit I’m confident that horse will be mine. As I approach, I drop into a crouch, masking my sounds from the horses so I can sneak up.

Turns out you have to walk very, very quietly to not scare the horses. They run away on my first approach, spooked by my sounds. My second attempt is more successful, and I manage to get close to my horse to see the action command to “Mount” appear.

Heh, mount.

So, I do. And it is...intense. The horse immediately (and understandably) behind trying to buck me off. I miss it at first, but I spam the “Tame” button repeatedly as I watch my stamina wheel deplete until I am eventually kicked off and the horse gallops off. Fuck. The timer is almost up, I’ll need to try again.

Like, a lot.

And try again I do. Several times. The herd of horses always changes, but there’s always a nice looking solid one I want for my stable. I try a few more spots on the plains surrounding the stable where horses appear, either spooking the horses far off or getting bucked. But finally, I manage it.

I’m just northeast of the stable, peering from behind some ruins to stalk a herd of horses. I spot my target, a caramel covered horse with a blonde flowing mane. He will be mine. I crouch and ever so slowly sneaking over, positioning myself at the horse’s flank. Then, I mount him and before Link is even fully seated I begin mashing the trigger button. Just when I think I’m going to go flying again, a chime rings and pink lights spot around the horses head as we take off into a brisk gallop.

It's the hair.

I did it! I have a horse! And with a full minute to spare. I ride back to the stable, testing the limits of my new steed’s speed and stamina. I speak with Rensa, who is in awe that I beat his time, and also a little disappointed. He gives me my reward - a Purple Rupee, and also that he only won second place because it was only him and his brother competing. Do I get to challenge him too?

Apparently not. I speak Tasseren, who asks me if I would like to register my horse. They will even provide me a saddle and bridle. I’m shown his portrait and stats, and then given the opportunity to name him.

Everyone, I would like to introduce you to Fabio.

---

Heart Containers: 4
Shrines Completed: 7
Koroks Found: 15
Times Bucked Off Horse: Don’t worry about it, Janet.
Horses: 1
Mane: Luxurious