Who the Fuck Taught the Sheikah about Marble Labyrinths?

Homeownership! Alright, so the first thing to gather on the list is 30 bundles of Wood. I’ve got a few on me that I’ve picked up since starting the game, but I’m going to need to go out and gather the rest. Lucky for me, we happen to be right next to a forest, and I have a big-ass axe on me. I float from the cliff overlooking Ginner Woods and head in.

Ginner Woods

I don’t wander too far, remembering the trouble that Nat and Meghyn found themselves in. I haven’t chopped a tree down since the plateau, but I remember the basics: swing axe at tree. I figure out quickly that it only works on trees under a certain size - the bigger ones I can’t even make a dent in.

Is this more or less masc then using an axe?

I get about halfway to my goal before my axe breaks. I could port back to the plateau or even the stable (I think) to pick up a replacement, but that seems kind of time consuming. So I use the next best thing: Remote Bombs! It takes one bomb to blow the tree off the stump, and another to turn the fallen log into bundles of wood. It’s a very explody gathering expedition. Eventually, I have my 30 bundles for Bolson. Next step: 3000 Rupees.

My recent trip to the armor shop has left me rather low on funding, so now I’m going to need to hunt for some gemstones. Lucky for me, right behind the soon-to-be-mine house is a mountain range! I actually can make out what looks like a few ore deposits when I scan from the bridge. Perfect. I find a path behind the house leading up, just around the pond.

I scan the sides of the path as I climb, I don’t wanna miss any potential caches. It’s actually fairly sparse, though I can confirm the existence of the deposits I saw from the ground. I also have some pretty nice views of my surroundings, Hateno Village and a good portion of East Necluda. As I am looking off into the horizon, I see something out of place below me.

*grumbles about Koroks*

Korok flower! I touch the first one, and it vanishes, moving further up the mountainside. It does this a few more times until I am actually climbing up the side of a particular peak. At the top, I finally see the flower turn white, and then I am one Korok Seed richer. I float back down to my original location on the path up the mountain on the paraglider.

Eventually I reach the ore deposits, and snag a few Rubies and Opals from within. Just enough to put me over the 3k mark I think! I take my earnings to East Wind, the general store, and swap them out for cash. With my down (and full) payment and the wood, I head back over to Bolson to see if we can’t get this started.

He accepts the wood, and then the money, and a short cutscene later and I have my home! Woohoo! There’s...there’s not a lot actually. I don’t even have a door. What exactly did you do with that wood, dude? Doors are important.

Farewell Hudson, I hardly knew ye.

...Hopefully there's a decent barber in Akkala.

After finishing construction, Hudson talks to me. Apparently Bolson is having him set up another branch of the constructions biz somewhere north, a region called Akkala. Never heard that particular name before but I’ll get there eventually. As he says his goodbyes, a new quest opens up. Guess I’ll definitely be seeing you again one way or another then, bub.

 From The Ground Up

From the quest details, it looks like I won’t be able to do anything with this one until I meet up with Hudson again in Akkala. I also notice that my original quest - Hylian Homeowner - isn’t completed either, merely updated. Talking to Bolson, who is still loitering on my lawn, he says he can do more for me. Time for some upgrades!

For 100 rupees each, Bolson can upgrade my house in a number of ways. There are displays for my weapons, bows, and shields, a bed to sleep in, lighting, a door (seems like that should be included but okay), trees, flowers...a lot of stuff. And I’m still broke.

I warp back to Dueling Peaks Stable and head into the mountain, sledgehammer in hand. I climb up the wall to the path where I first saw the ore deposits, and work my way down, breaking them open until I can’t find anymore. With that, I am just under the amount I need, and so I end up selling a few monster parts to Beetle to make up the difference. Then it’s back to Bolson.

That's gotta be a fire hazard.

It takes a while to get through all the dialog, but by the end of it I am 1400 rupees poorer, with a fully upgraded house. Once the last upgrade is purchased, the Hylian Homeowner quest is finally completed. I walk around the property, checking out my new trees and landscape. I even bring Fabio over to to check out the small stable,even though there’s no real point to it. It’s flavoring!

Inside, it is pretty nifty that I have a place to sleep for free now, even if I’d have to teleport back here to use it. The weapon displays are also pretty nifty. I store my Flameblade, Thunderblade, and Fire Rod here for the time being. They both seem like they might be on the rare side, for now at least. Plus, until I find Hestu and up my inventory slots, I don’t want to overload myself.

After puttering around my place for a bit, I figure it’s time to finish exploring the rest of the village. First up, the areas around my house! There isn’t much, other than my “property” it’s mostly just a small lake and stream between my house and the Horned Statue. It’s pretty nondescript. I catch a few fish, then examine the small stream. Just when I figured there was nothing more to find, I spot a lone rock on a small shore at the very end of the stream. My Korok hunting skills are getting better. Seed please!

That’s it for this area, I climb out of the water and back into the village. As I pass by the set of model homes, I suddenly remember that I haven’t actually finished the shrine here yet. No time like the present! I walk over to the already activated shrine and enter.

Myahm Agana Apparatus

      ~Myahm Agana Shrine~

Nope. Nopenopenopenopenope.

Oh goody, another apparatus. After walking in and looking around the place, it looks like another gyroscope trial. It’s different than the last one, this puzzle is like one of the marble mazes. I have to guide the ball through a maze by tilting the controller, which in turn tilts the maze.

I quickly learn about the maze’s hazards. Mostly it’s just open spots along the edge, which allow the ball to roll off the side, forcing me to start over as a new ball is dropped from above. It is more than a little frustrating, and I lose the ball many times. Eventually I make it all the way through...only to lose the ball at the very end. There is a gap between the maze and the path to the goal, and it looks like I have to 'jump’ the ball over it to reach it. Great.

I try a couple of more times the “legit” way before saying fuck it - in all the excitement and news surrounding the games release, I actually did learn about one shrine trick in particular that got a lot of attention. I even remembered reading an interview with one of the developers in which he mentioned that he did the same thing - I flip the entire maze over.

Fuck everything about this.

That causes the next ball to fall onto a flat surface, skipping the maze portion entirely. It just takes me a few times to flip the ball over the gap, and then it rolls down the ramp and into the slot, opening the gate to the monk. But I’m not done yet - there’s a chest in the maze that needs to be opened. I reset the maze, at least attempting to make the gap that must be crossed as small as possible, before heading up the ramp the ball rolled down.

It’s a decent sized gap, but with the glider I make it without problems. I navigate around a few turns of the floating maze before I get to the chest. Opening it gets me a nice sniper-like Phrenic Bow. I like the zoom on these...maybe I should considering storing a couple in my house. They would help with those annoying Korok puzzles.

I leap back across the gap and down the ramp, entering the room with Myahm Agana. He grants me an additional Spirit Orb, and I exit the shrine.

That just leaves...every other part of town except the shops to explore.

...Time for another beer.

---

Heart Containers: 5
Shrines Completed: 11
Koroks Found: 34
Explosive Logging Technique: Tested
Door for House: Purchased
Motion Control Puzzles: Still Bullshit

Back to Dueling Peaks, Bubinga Forest, and the Ash Swamp - Screenshot Roundup 49

Dueling Peaks Stable & Meeting the Locals - Screenshot Roundup 30

Blowing Up Boulders & Bokoblins - Screenshot Roundup 29

And Twwiiiiiiins

Outside the shrine, I decide to continue along this side of the river. As I glide down, I see another classic Zelda enemy: an Octorok! They’ve gotten...floatier. Further up the path, I see a bokoblin encampment, and before that, another cliffside path. This one looks like it extends to the end of the mountain, so I go ahead and climb on up. The gathered bokoblins are all seated right next to a number of explosive barrels. It would be silly not to take advantage. I toss down a Remote Bomb and before they have a chance to react, boom. All except one are gone, one of the darker, heartier fellas. I leap down and finish him off quickly and open the unlocked chest to gain a Boomerang! Hey, I forgot about these things. Cool.

JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!

I climb back up the cliff to finish my journey. I notice an abundance of these black sparkling rocks. Like an red blooded American, I did the most sensible thing to figure out what it was: I tried to blow it up. Amber! And a Ruby! Holy crap! Turns out it's an Ore Deposit. I quickly blow up a couple more, netting a few more precious stones. Fuck it, if it's going to be that easy to find these things I might as well sell a few and not have to worry about money for a bit. Cha-ching.

Eventually, my pockets are full and I’m on the other side of the mountain(s). The scene ahead of me is gorgeous. There’s a large open green field with a forest alongside the river. A building of sorts with a large wooden statue of…I’m not sure what it is, but some kind of creature, sits alongside the road, across a bridge. Just down the cliff, I can see a shrine surrounded by shallow water next to a waterfall.

Still very much in love with this game. I float towards the structure.

Dueling Peaks Stable

OOOHHHHH! It’s a horse head! That makes sense. I wonder how they got that thing up there? Do they have cranes in Hyrule? It’s the morning, and this place seems to be pretty active. I see Mezer walking up the path, I’m happy to see he didn’t suffer anymore Lizafos attacks. There are people milling about, almost like an actual town. I speak with a woman, Sagessa, who sits by the campfire and talks to me about making potions – I need to do that more – and even hands me a Hasty Elixir! She also gives me the recipe, a Hightail Lizard, and monster parts. That’s just how she says it too, so I’m guessing the monster parts don’t really have an effect on the potion, except maybe for how long it will last. Next are a pair of twin boys, Darton and Shibo, who are kinda bratty, but still give me some info on catching a horse.

Oh yeah, apparently you have to catch your own horse.

Second place is just first loser.

I move to the front of the stable and speak with Rensa, one of the proprietors and possibly the twins father. I say possibly because his brother Tasseren is the one manning the counter, and who I will register my horse with once I catch one. Rensa also offers me directions to a few different places from here. There’s another village nearby, Hateno, pretty sure that name is totally new. Talking to him again, he was apparently the second-place winner in the Hyrule Horse-Taming Competition, and he offers me a challenge.

Sure buddy, I’ll kick your ass in just a minute.

Misko, the Great Bandit

I pick up my first sidequest! It’s weird even having formal sidequests like this, but I can dig it. I also appreciate that the quest markers don’t actually give away anything. First another set of brothers (that’s 3 in this one location) are hunting for the hidden treasure of Misko, the Great Bandit. Which is also the title of the quest. There’s a riddle they are trying to solve that reveals the location of a treasure stash. They will only tell it to me after I cough up 100 rupees for the info. Whatever, I can spare the cash.

Why are there so many twins? Is there something in the water?
Wait. Is this just a stupid twin theme because of the mountain?!

I’m gonna find that treasure and then rub it in their fat fucking faces.

The riddle reads like this: The little twin steps over the little river. My cave rests above that river's source.

I look at my map again just to be sure, because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen names similar to “little twin” near here… Ha! That bridge I just crossed over there is Big Twin Bridge, and just southeast of it is another called the Little Twin Bridge. Seeing as bridges cross over rivers, I just need to follow that one to its source and I’ll have my treasure. There’s still plenty to do here first, though.

WE ARE FRIENDS

I meet a gentleman named Hino, who is watching the sky. He’s also the first person I’ve talked to that ALSO seems concerned about all this “Blood Moon” business. He tells me about the current phase of the moon, and presumably will know whether or not a Blood Moon is coming. We’ll see how useful that is. That seems to be just about everyone heeeOHMYGOD DOG! THERE’S A DOG! I can’t interact with it directly, sadly, but he follows me around and stuff! I JUST WANT TO PET IT.

Can’t pet it. But I can feed it. And so I do. Probably a little too much but who cares DOG. I’ll just have to go hunting. I “play” with the dog a while longer, not exactly clear as to how I can interact with it, but things like feeding it and just staying close to it cause some kind of…affection chime to go off. And once I get enough of those, the dog stops following me, and gets me to follow it.

Where we goin pup?

BEST BOY

He leads me over towards Hino, then the large tree next to the stable. He’s digging at the ground? There’s a mossy green object in the ground he’s pawing at. Is that a chest? I switch to Magnesis and sure enough, that’s a fucking chest stuck in the ground. After I yank it out - rather violently - I open it for a Silver Rupee! Good dog! Can I take you with me?

Ooooo I need to remember to use Wolf Link, free puppers. Will play with any and every dog I come across now. There’s a few random animals and item pick-ups, but that seems to be it for the stable. Until I look up, that is. I see another pinwheel, on the nose of the "horse" above the stable. After some particularly careful climbing, I carefully walk down the nose of the head towards the pinwheel, and a...cloud(?) of leaves. When I get close enough, I can interact with it, and out pops another Korok!

Now, let’s go check out that shrine!

I walk close enough to see the name - Ha Dahamar Shrine – display on the screen, but I also see that it’s surrounded by these…spikes? Spikes that hurt when I touch them, and aren’t affected by my Remote Bombs, or any other runes. The fuck am I supposed to get in there? Bombs don’t work, and the other runes don’t seem interact with them either. I guess the only thing to do is go over them.

Big Twin Bridge

I almost made a huge mistake.

Because I took my cliffside stroll, I skipped crossing over this bridge the first time. On the other side I see a large lookout post that’s calling my name, so I float back across the river to take a look. It’s tall, but at least it has a clearly visible ladder unlike some of my other climbing attempts. And on top there is...a Rusty Broadsword. Thanks. -_-

Without anything else to do up here, I say my prayers to Hylia and jump, aiming for the shrine as I float across the river, just making it over the spikes safely.

Wait, how am I supposed to get out of here?

---

Heart Containers: 4
Shrines Completed: 6
Koroks Found: 15
Rupees: I have a literal stack of ruby’s
Rocks: Exploded
Stable: Discovered
Twins: Everywhere

Saving Mezer from Lizafos & Exploring Rhee Dahee Shrine - Screenshot Roundup 28

Climbing Dueling Peaks Tower & Meeting Mezer - Screenshot Roundup 27

Climbin' 'n Glidin'

My heart un-exploded, I catchmy breath before running back and speaking with Giro, though he didn’t indicate that anything was out of the ordinary. Does that mean I’m the only person who can see the Blood Moon and its effects? Surely people would have noticed monsters coming back to life.

You know, between hearing voices in my head, talking to ghosts, and now this horrifying Blood Moon vision, I wouldn’t mind a little confirmation that Link isn’t, you know, mentally ill. I’m not claiming to be an expert, but those are definitely signs of schizophrenia. Just saying.

...Yay. Another one.

I continue my way down the path alongside the Squabble River. The riverbank is just to my left, and as I near Dueling Peaks I take note of the Sheikah Tower across from me once again. It gives of a red glow, unlike the blue one on the plateau. It’s actually the same hue that an unfinished shrine has, before turning into that same electric blue after completion.

I need to get to that tower.

As I approach the Dueling Peak’s base, what do I see but a Korok flower! After touching it, it moves across the river, jumping from shallow rock to shallow rock. I chase after it, eventually swimming to the other side of the river to claim my seed. Thanks Korok.

I turn my gaze once again towards the tower, rising from the center of a lake. A large chunk of earth at the base of the tower leads me to believe that it must have been buried underneath the ground just as on the plateau. It also occurs to me that I am going to have to actually climb this tower, instead of just riding it to the top after it explodes. Crap.

...Goddamnit...

Dueling Peaks Tower

I walk around the lake’s edge towards the tower and up the “ramp” made by the earth. As I look up, I try to get an idea for the most optimal way to make the climb. Doesn’t look too different from the first tower, except I’ll be going up instead of down. I climb onto the side of the tower, and make my way up to the first platform. Then I allow my stamina to restore, and do it again, and again, until I’m finally at the top. As I make my way to the orange platform, rain begins to fall, and I insert my slate.

I get a nice cinematic flyby as the tower activates, turning from orange to blue, and unlocking the map for the area. Oh look, the names for all those places I’ve been but couldn’t have possibly known the names of! Even though the game doesn’t count every individual labeled item on the map as its own area, I still think it’s pretty awesome and will be using all of the names I can to refer to geographical locations. I also unlock something called the Sheikah Sensor, which acts like a radar, alerting me of nearby shrines.

It starts going off almost immediately. That’s gonna get annoying.

Okay, it was worth the climb.

While on the tower, I use my scope to note the locations of some shrines, though none of them are really on the way to Kakariko from what I can see. Still smart to have marked down probably. Once I’m satisfied, I leap from the tower, using my paraglider to slow my fall back down to the other side of the river bank. At the base of the mountain is another tree fort. Joy, more bokoblins to fight. However as I approach it, I see that it’s actually…empty. Completely. There’s not even an easy way up – there’s no drawbridge to lower. I land on top, but seeing nothing, hope down to take shelter.

There’s a Torch and an Woodcutter's Axe underneath, along with an unlit cooking pot, but nothing else. This feels like a trap. As I debate waiting for the rain to stop or not, what do I see running towards me but yet ANOTHER Hylian! Hooray! He joins me under the fort, also taking cover from the storm. I love the AI. He even talk about the weather when I talk to him.

Mezer, as he is named, is a traveling merchant, selling meat and salt. And since it’s raining, he is having a rainy day special! I don’t have a point of reference for any of the non-sale prices for things, so I take a gander over his inventory but refrain from making any purchases. I’ve still got a decent amount of raw meat leftover from hunting on the plateau. Still, I appreciate the company while we wait for the rain to let up. Not that he has much to say. Eventually the thunder stops and it’s safe to move on. I say my goodbyes and I walk through the Dueling Peaks.

Makin' friends all over the place.

Dueling Peaks

The Shrine Sensor is indicating that I’m headed towards one, so I make sure to check my surroundings as I go. Walking this close to the river, I see a classic Zelda enemy: Lizafos! At first, I have no idea what they are – I only see the splash of the water as two of them swim downstream, towards me. Curious, I step away from the water and pull out my scope as they pass, just making out the forms of the swimming reptiles but still not clear as to what they are.

Then I see Mezer coming up the path. And so do they, leaping from the water and onto the river bank to attack. Not on my watch! I leapt into action, drawing my sword to defend my rain-buddy.

He protek!

Lizafos are just as annoying as I remember, and very bouncy. They resemble overgrown chameleons, complete with bug eyes and long tongues. I try to keep both of them in my view as I target one, slashing at him with my sword. After he leaps out of reach, I switch to the other, and so on until they are both dead. I speak with Mezer’s still-cowering form and he thanks me for rescuing him, and even gives me some food as a reward. Then he continues on his way.

I examine some metallic boulders off to the side, though they don’t seem to do anything even when moved with Magnesis. Looking across the river, I see a Shrine on a cliff not too far up. Must be what was setting of the Sensor. I jump into the river and swim across, and then climb up to the Shrine to activate it, and enter.

Timing is Critical

      ~Ree Dahee Shrine~

I enter the shrine to see…a lot of platforms, all glowing orange. In front of me is a switch which, when pressed causes one of the platforms ahead of me to tilt to the right. On that platform is a ball which rolls onto another platform and into a slot, activating a moving platform. I hop on the platform and move to the next set.

This seems like overkill for what is basically Marble Madness.

This switch moves two platforms - the ball is on the top one, and I have to depress the switch as it rolls onto the bottom so that it is tilted towards the ball slot and not a bottomless pit. Takes a few tries before I get it, but I do. The next moving platform is activated, and I’m brought to the final puzzle platform.

This is only a single platform, but with a decent sized gap between it and the ball slot. I also spot a chest above the ramp holding the ball, too high to climb to. Hmm. In order to move the ball across, I have to press the switch and allow it to build up momentum, before letting go and moving the platform to a high enough position so the ball can jump the gap. I also see that when turned, the ramp reaches high enough to get the chest. But, unless I’m standing on the switch, the ramp remains too low.

Rhee Dahee

“Timing is Critical” is the name of the challenge right? I bet Stasis can help by freezing the platform in place. I learn I am wrong when the platform neglects to react to my rune. The switch however can be frozen, so after I get the moving platform activated, I stand on the switch. Once it’s close enough, I freeze the switch below me and hop onto the platform, allowing me to climb up the ramp and to the chest before Stasis wears off and the switch goes back to normal.

CLIMBERS BANDANA!

I know that’s probably way too excited for something I never even knew existed, but in the chest was a piece of armor for my head that increases my climb speed. Super useful! I also hadn’t had any head armor at all so the defense boost doesn’t hurt either. I slap it on and climb down to Ree Dahee, earning myself another Spirit Orb.

Gonna climb all sorts of shit.

---

Heart Containers: 4
Shrines Completed: 6
Koroks Found: 14
Tower: Climbed
Head: Bandanna’d