She's Just Not That Into You or Your Bugs

Now that I’ve washed the taste of that motion-controlled marble maze out of my mouth, It’s time to explore the rest of the town. I see a small farm and house hidden in the north, behind the armor shop - missed it on my first pass. As I approach, I see a small woman, Tamana, standing among some Cuccos and sweeping. I speak to her and she immediately accuses me of trespassing. And then apologies, offers me a free Bird Egg, and asks me to leave. ...okay. Bye.

I move on, this time to the dye shop. I figure I might as well try it out at least once while I’m here, right? I walk in, past Senna, and take a look at the inside of the place. The most unique feature of the shop is probably the two large tubs along the western wall. Above both is wooden platform, with a set of stairs along the left edge leading up. All over the shop I see posters, similar to the one in the general store showing a recipe, except these seem to be color coded rather then for a particular food item.

...this place definitely isn't a cover for a meth lab, right?

I go ahead and speak with the shop owner, Sayge. After a terrible dye pun, he explains the basics of the shop to me. They’ve been around for ages, but after the Calamity (I assume) gathering ingredients became too dangerous, so the shop no longer produces its own dyes. Instead, they have their customer bring in their own ingredients for dyeing. The process is fully reversible, and it only costs 20 rupees. Doesn’t seem unreasonable. Let’s give it a shot!

I switch to the Hylian set except for the head, which I swap for the Climbing Bandana. I speak with Sayge, who brings up a menu of 15 different colors to choose from - significantly more then there are posters in here - but it also shows me a nice preview image of what my clothes will look like. I scroll through the options and end up settling on a light blue. Kind of a cool feature, letting people customize their stuff like this. Can’t recall previous Zelda’s coming anywhere near this level of customization.

I’m then instructed to select five items from my inventory of the color I have selected. I pick the thing I have the most of - Blue Nightshade - most of which I gathered near Cotera’s fountain. I remember there being a lot of this all around Kakariko, so even if I was running low, gathering more won’t be an issue. Link holds them all in his arms the same way he does when cooking. He’s so awkward and adorable.

Mood.

After confirming my selection, it’s cutscene time! I see link on top of the wooden platform, holding the bundle of Blue Nightshade. And then...the floor gives out, and Link is dropped directly into the tub below. That seems...excessive. But it works! I witness Link standing in is new all-blue duds. Not bad, if I say so myself.

I exit the dye shop in my new duds and head across the first bridge in the center of town. On the way I pass a few buildings, though they are all empty. A couple of homes, a windmill, and what looks like some sort of outdoor kitchen area. I almost take a few utensils to use as weapons, before I notice a woman standing on a dock next to the dye shop. Her name is Clavia, and she has a quest for me.

She points out three trees on a snowy mountain overlooking Hateno. She found a letter in an old book with a riddle: “When the three summit trees become one, turn your back to them and head toward the sea. A trail encased in stone awaits you there.” She knows that whatever the riddle is talking about is east of those trees, near Afromsia Coast. She can’t go there herself - she has a child (choices, honey) - but she knows I can. She says we can split the treasure. Now, I dunno about that, a trial means a shrine, and I don’t think you can divvy up Spirit Orbs. As we finish speaking, I can see that I have a new Shrine Quest!

 Secret of the Cedars

Leaving Clavia, up ahead I can see the Inn, but first to the left of that is a path leading up to a large house on a hill. It’s not immediately obvious what the building is, but it seems larger than the others. There’s even a shed. The home also houses the village’s Goddess Statue in a small alcove outside. Actually, I think I remember Teebo mentioning that the chief of the village had a Goddess Statue outside of his home. I'm still one orb short of an upgrade, so I can't do anything with it for now.The inside is empty, save for another journal. The “Girl’s Journal,” as it is labelled, gives me another recipe! This one is for Pumpkin Stew. You start with a Fortified Pumpkin, then add Tabintha Wheat, Fresh Milk, and Goat Butter.

...Jesus?

Exploring more outside of the house, I notice a figure in a nearby field that overlooks the rest of the village and valley below. His name is Reede, and he is the head of the village, the chief previously mentioned. He looks rather young to be the head of a village, but Link’s techncially over 100 years old so who can really say. He talks about how the village has managed to recover and survive after the Calamity, and let’s me know I am welcome in the village for as long as I would like.

Considering I own a home here now (again), I don’t think I count as a visitor anymore.

I leave Reede in the field and head back down the stairs, turning the corner towards the Inn. I see a man standing outside, next to a stable containing a donkey. Manny is posted here outside of the Inn every day, saying it’s his job to check out anyone suspicious in the village.

Or at least that’s what he implies. In actuality it seems like he’s kind of a creeper, instead standing out here and checking out any women who may walk by. In particular, it seems he has a really strong crush on Prima, who runs the inn. Like, really strong, strong enough to trigger another side quest!

Is this the Hylian version of an Incel?

 A Gift for My Beloved

Manny would like to know what kind of present Prima might enjoy. Not for himself, but for “his buddy’s friend.” Right. Well...why don’t we find out? I leave Manny at his post and head up into the inn.

It’s a nice little inn. Seems to have more amenities than the one in Kakariko had at least. There’s a fully stocked kitchen (I mean, as stocked as a kitchen I can’t actually interact with can be), and even a decked patio area. Sitting outside I speak with a gentleman named Worten, who tells me about various places he’s traveled to. Or tried to travel to, at least, seems like he hasn’t been able to actually get in to any of the places he’s visited. A place that was burning hot, a place he was unwelcome, a place that was too dangerous to get to and one that was too far away. I’m guessing I will be visiting these places one by one. Hopefully I get further then he did.

...We all have big ass ears, you have to know I can hear you.

Back inside, I see Prima standing at the counter. When I speak to her, though, I can only talk about staying at the inn - there’s no option to talk to her about anything else. The hell? After a few attempts to make her say anything different, I went back outside to Manny, thinking I skipped a step in the quest or something. But nope, he has nothing new to say, and the info for the quest hasn’t updated either. I go back inside, this time searching through the inn’s room. Maybe there’s a diary I need to read? But still, nothing.

I walk back down to Prima, frustrated as all hell. And this time, she talks to me!

...Oh. I had to stand behind the counter for her to talk to me about non-work stuff. That’s...very specific. But at least she’s talking to me now. I ask her about what she likes, and after she begins to talk to herself, (does she not know I can hear her? I’m literally right next to her) she decides (lies) to tell me she likes crickets. She just dreams of having a collection of 100 Restless Crickets, Right.

I'm older then you.

I return to Manny with this information. I don’t really care if she’s faking it, this dude’s kind of a creeper so I’m not exactly rushing to get him with the object of his affections. He does at least confess to me that it is in fact him, and not his friend, who wants to woo Prima. And to do so he’s going collect a hundred crickets. Or, as seems much more typical for his “type,” he’s going to ask me to collect them.

He’s only asking me for 10, planning to collecting the remaining 90 himself. It’s not as though the game gives me the option to decline, but I agree. I have a few crickets on me already, 6, so I’ll only need to collect a few more. I should be able to find them around here, having found a few in the grassy plains around the village already. I’ll keep my eyes peeled for now.

---

Heart Containers: 5
Shrines Completed: 11
Koroks Found: 34
Clothes: Dyed
Village Leader: Messianic looking
Prima: Harassed (I'm so so sorry)

New Clothes, New Friends, New Food - Screenshot Roundup 59

A Horny Statue & A Winded Tour Guide - Screenshot Roundup 58

Mo' Villages, Mo' Problems

Marblod Plain

After I finish my Korok diving, I am back on the path to Hateno. Before I follow it down into the valley though, there’s a small forest I want to check out first near the tunnel to Oakle’s Navel. I find a few keese I take out easily enough, and manage to sneak up on a moblin as he’s eating, knocking him out with a single well placed spear strike. Then in the back of the forest, I find a cave. I see a few sleeping Ice Keese, some Luminous Stone Deposits, and a treasure chest floating in a pool in the center. I take the ice keese out with my arrows before they have a chance to wake up, and switch to my cryonis rune for the chest. It’s a Purple Rupee! I was going to say that at least it’s not an Amber, but I think those are actually worth more.

That leaves the luminous stone deposits. I can get to one of them just fine, but another is on the side of the cave wall over the pool. Even if it were lower, I can’t use my sledgehammer in the water. I think about using bomb arrows, but I remember how the stones would go flying when I used remote bombs before I figured out the sledgehammer. Maybe if I make a Cryonis pillar close enough to the wall...Perfect. Link is smart enough to know I want him to strike the ore deposit and all that’s left is for me to collect.

I'm riiiiiiich bitch

There’s one more ore deposit in here, but it’s bigger than the others, and seems to have gold fleck and a golden glow about it. It is nearly on the cave’s ceiling, but with a little positioning I am able to break that one open too. I find a Topaz inside, and a Diamond! I haven’t seen one of these before. Hopefully I’ll see a lot more in the near future. I exit the small cave after picking up the Ice Keese Wings left over from before.

I walk around the rest of the small forest gathering ingredients before I get on my way again. Hylian Shrooms, Ironshrooms, even a couple of Hearty Radishes line the forest floor. Must have been some of what that moblin was snacking on. I also find a bunch of Sunset Fireflies, useful for making stealth potions. The sheikah gear really makes collecting bugs easier, need to remember that. Then I find something new inside of a tree. Like, inside of a large hole in the tree. It looks like an acorn, so I’m betting it’s Korok related. Since this is a video game, I do what anyone would do: I destroy it. It only takes a single arrow for it to burst and the Korok to pop out and give me my seed.

Right next to the woods I can see a fork in the road. To my right, the path goes up into an unnamed forest and then across Firly Plateau. The sign doesn’t mention that though, it only indicates that this is the path to Loshlo Harbor. Another two places for me to visit...after I get to Hateno. I once again hop on Fabio and continue my journey down into the valley.

Just...follow me for now Fabio. *whistle*

Midla Woods

...goddamnit there’s more bokoblins down here. Only two though, and they are presently distracted by a boar they are hunting. I take them and the boar out with a few strikes with my spear. Yay, more Raw Meat!

I take a moment to run around the small forest and gather up some more ingredients. Apart from the usual fare, I find another acorn in a tree, so I shoot it down and collect another Korok Seed. Just as I’m about to hop back on Fabio, I see what looks like another bokoblin further in the woods. As I approach, I see him standing over someone’s body. Uhoh. I run up and take him out, before seeing a second hylian under attack as well, and I quickly snuff him out as well.

I help the two girls up once the area is secure. They are a pair of sisters, Meghyn and Nat, and they are here in the forest hunting down Hearty Truffles. I haven’t come across any of those yet, but I think I remember seeing them in a traveling merchant’s shop. Nat seems to be much more enthusiastic about their foraging then Meghyn. It would seem that they are doing it for the money rather than because they want to eat the truffles themselves. Although Meghyn seems like she doesn’t want to be doing it at all.

I say goodbye to the sisters and whistle for Fabio as I head back to the path. Hateno Village should be just up and around this mountain pass. I can see the entrance gate as I approach - it’s bigger and more rustic then Kakariko. I can also see a...farmer? Or a guard dressed like a farmer. Or a farmer acting as a guard. It’s probably the last one. As soon as he notices me, he drops into a defensive stance, holding out his pitchfork to ward me from getting too close.

Is he gonna stab me with that thing?

Hateno Village

His name is Thadd, and he seems very wary of strangers, though he puts down the pitchfork when he sees that I am hylian. I suppose when there’s an apocalypse and you’re one of the only towns still standing it’s better to be safe than sorry. After he apologizes, he points me towards the general store and inn in town and let’s me on my way.

Fabio trots his way through the gate as I examine what I can of the town from his back. It’s big, bigger then Kakariko I think. I can’t see everything from the entrance, but the map makes it look fairly spread out - I can see buildings dotting the map from here to the mountain range to the East. That probably means a lot more sidequests.

The second villager I meet is a young boy named Teebo. He says he found something and wants to show it to me. Okay, sure. I leave Fabio near the gate and follow Teebo as he leads me around a bend, up a hill, and then down a small crevice. There, on a small cliff overlooking a lake sits a dark horned statue. A statue that seemingly has a quest for me

 The Statue's Bargain

In my experience, in most Zelda games talking statues do mostly trivial things, like tell you the time, spread gossip, or, even in this game, provide you some benefit. Most statues also aren’t black or have horns. But what am I gonna do, NOT talk to it? Yep, it’s a demon, and now it is talking to me.

There is no name given other than Horned Statue. Once upon a time it received all sorts of visitors, and they dealt life-for-money bargains. Hylia didn’t like that, and so she trapped it here in this statue, where it sits largely ignored by the villagers. It is also covered in bird shit, apparently. Rather then try and turn over a new leaf, it’s just been sitting here, waiting for someone who could hear it to come along.

Lucky me.

Hey asshole, if I wanted my heart stolen I'd just stare at
Chris Evan's picture all night.

It tries to strike a bargain with me, but I decline. So instead, it just fucking steals one of my heart containers. The fuck! Also, HOW?! If you can just take hearts without asking why haven’t you been doing that left and right? Dick. I talk to it again, because I want my goddamned heart container back. The statue insists it is only trying to help me. It will buy either a Heart Container or Stamina Vessel from me for 100 rupees, and then for 120 rupees. It then gives me the option of having my heart returned to me or have it changed to stamina, no upcharge included this first time.

I request the heart back - I’m still too squishy. I suppose I can see the benefit to what Horny (that’s what I’m gonna call them) is offering, but I don’t know that I will take advantage all that much. Also, they’re still a dick for doing that without asking in the first place. I hope more birds shit all over you, dude. Once I have my heart back, the quest ends, and Teebo and I both leave. I’m not sure if Teebo saw or heard anything, or if Link just looked like a spaz who talks to statues.

Is he always like this, or am I just special?

I head back towards the town entrance, Fabio right where I left him. The next villager I meet is a rather cute chubby gentleman named Seldon. I find him just wandering about near the entrance, but upon talking to him, he tells me he has volunteered as the town tour guide for newcomers. As long as he doesn’t introduce me to any life stealing demons, cool.

And then he’s off! Like, jogging his way to the first destination. He’s a spritely dude. The first stop is the town’s general store, East Wind. Outside is Ivee, a young girl who also acts as the shops greeter. I’ll have to come back to see what they’re selling, because as soon as I talk to Seldon again he’s rushing off to stop #2. Next door is the Kochi Dye Shop, where I can apparently change the color of my clothing. The greeter, Senna, shouts as much to her husband inside when she think they’ve got a customer. I’ll be back to check it out. Maybe.

Stop #3 is over a river, deeper into town. I pass by several residents as I work to keep up with Seldon, but they aren’t going anywhere. Seldon stops in front of the town inn - The Great Ton Pu Inn. Leop is the greeter here, an elderly man who encourages me to rest here. No time for that though because Seldon has one last stop for me, back across the river near the entrance of the town.

“Thank you for using ‘Seldon’s Village Tours,’ I’m
going to go pass out now.”

It’s the town armor shop, Ventest Clothing, and it’s owned by Seldon himself, although his daughter is the one who actually runs the place. Poor Seldon is totally winded from the tour, but tells me to come by and hang out sometime. Also tells me to stock up before heading to the Kochi Dye Shop. Then he promptly leaves me to my own devices, needing a rest after all that running. With that, the tour is over and I am left to explore the rest of the town on my own.

Picking up some new armor might be a good place to start.

---

Heart Containers: 5 (Fuckin’ asshole statue)
Shrines Completed: 9
Koroks Found: 33
Hearty Truffles: Hunted
Statue: Horny (and a dick)
Seldon: Should probably look into doing more cardio