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| On the Next Property Brothers... |
There’s more activity here then the last camp, and also no real vantage points to allow me to get closer. I can see there are more bokolbins inside, but I’m not sure how many. I think I can also make out an explosive barrel, but there’s no way I’d be able to hit it from here, not without being seen by the guy on the watchtower. I need to get to higher ground, and away from the guard. And since I can climb up just about anything now, I take a wide path around the skull to the back and climb it to the top. I’ve got a good vantage point on the watchtower guard, and I take him out with a well placed head shot. With him out of commission, I very slowly and very carefully slide down the front side of the skull. I can see in through the eye holes that there are three bokoblins, one of which is bluish-black, and another chest. There are also two lanterns over the explosive barrels, hanging only by a rope, which will make the rest of this plan even easier.
I position myself so I can aim at the rope while still hiding, and let the arrow fly. The rope snaps, the lantern falls, and the barrels explode, killing all but the darker colored bokoblin inside. I did get to watch him running around inside screaming while being on fire though. He runs out of the skull, and I jump down right behind him. It’s a pretty quick fight, the explosion knocked his weapon away and took a chunk out of most of his health, but he’s still more robust than anticipated. Killing him nets me more (and slightly different) monster parts, I guess because he was tougher.
I have no idea what any of these are for but the perfectionist in me will make sure I grab up each and every one. I get the chest-zoom/bell ding again, and open the chest to reveal…Fire Arrows! That seems a bit early. Probably hang onto these for a bit until I really need them. Kind of weird that they are their own item instead of just regular arrows with magic, but hopefully that also means I don’t have to be so stingy with them down the line.
With the camp cleared, I continue towards the shrine marker on my map. Seems to be just over the hill behind the skull, so I climb up to take a look. I’m overlooking the Eastern Abbey – a bunch of ruins, littered with more statues. I can see the shrine on the opposite end, and no monsters, so I guess I should get to it.
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| Beautiful, and eerie. Something is definitely going to kill me in there. |
Eastern Abbey
I start hearing this strange mechanical whirring. Whenever I hear some weird new noise in a video game, and I can’t see what’s going on, I tend to panic a little. I’m TERRIBLE at survival horror games because I am as jumpy as a fucking rabbit on speed. So I IMMEDIATELY start swinging my camera around left and right to figure out what the fuck is about to happen. Then I see it, though I’m not sure what “it” is. Its glowing dark purple and oh fuck it’s pointing a laser at me now. I make to run back and duck behind a wall, but I only have time to admire the Keese that have appeared as I watch my body slam into a wall as the laser hit it’s target.Now if this blog were about what I did when I wasn’t playing, I’d write about how I put down my controller, went downstairs and got a beer, finished it and a grabbed a second one, and then came back upstairs to try this again. But since it’s not, I will instead describe the thing that tried to kill me (called it). It was one of those mechanical “statues” I saw around the temple. Obviously they aren’t actually statues, though none of the others came to life and tried to murder me.
When I get back in, I try to test the range on it, but it seems that as soon as it can see me, it’s aiming its laser at me. Hiding behind cover seems to work, but the shrine entrance is blocked by boulders, and I don’t think I could climb over it fast enough. Time to try something else. Going around should be easy enough right?
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| Death, incarnate. |
There are two more of these whirring fuckers, on either end of the shrine. I tried to attack one and barely put a dent in it before I had to run out of the way. The laser attack they seem to be charging up for when they can see me? That shit HURTS. I think I still see some of my bits splattered on a wall. Climbing up the wall does nothing because it’s not like they can’t just look up. I’m going to have to find a way to get past them and to the shrine without them seeing me long enough to shoot me. Their range is FAR, pretty much just need line of site once they’ve woken up. I’m going to need cover to run and hide behind faster than they can charge their lasers.
It looks like the south of the abbey might be my best choice, there are enough walls and ledges that I should be able to find decent cover. I manage to run past it and jump down onto a sunken part of the plateau wall/cliff. Checking the map I see I’m just on the other side of the shrine. Perfect. I carefully climb up to the top of the wall, fingers crossed that the machine can’t see me, and I seem to be safe! I do a little dance before I run along the wall towards the shrine. As I get closer, I see on an outcropping to my right with something shiny on top. Another sword! I very carefully climb up to it, grab it, and then climb over the remaining wall to the shrine.
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| I bet the people playing on the Wii U haaaaaated this. |
BOMBS! YOU GUYS, IT’S BOMBS!
I’m getting ahead of myself.
Bomb Trial
~Ja Baij Shrine~
SEE?! IT’S BOMBS!*cough* I am lowered into the shrine, and am greeted once again by the voice of the monk residing here, Ja Baij. Another trial. I take stock of the room – pretty boring. I see a cracked wall down a ramp, and to the left of the ramp, another pedestal. I scurry over to the pedestal to get my new rune – Remote Bombs! Two kinds actually, the traditional round kind, and a square one that won’t roll down hills. No need to wait, I go down the ramp, set my new rune, and pull out a bomb, one of the square ones.
And then blow myself up because I hit the wrong button.
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| Honestly this pretty on-brand for me. |
Still blew up the wall, too. Queue Zelda “you solved it” jingle. Ta-da!
Beyond the wall is a rather squat hallway with two more cracked walls. Behind one of them is another chest, this one with another sword. I’m having to start dropping the weaker things I’m holding so I can upgrade. Blowing up the other wall takes me to a ladder out of the hallway and up towards a moving platform. It’s bridging the gap between the platform I am on and another set of cracked walls. I set a square bomb on the platform when it draws close, and then detonate it once it reaches the other wall. Cue jingle.
I hop on the platform and ride it across, and I see...a shit ton of giant moving pistons. The fuck?
After gawking for a second, I can see that it’s not nearly as confusing as it seems. First, I walk over to the pistons on the left. One of them is bouncing an orange ball back and forth across the room. I climb up and grab the ball. Not sure if it is meant to do anything (it isn’t). I ride the far left piston across the gap to a chest (a piece of amber), and then walk back over to where I entered.
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| Jai Baij |
I exit the now-blue shrine, one Spirit Orb and an infinite amount of bombs richer. Why, there’s even a bunch of boulders that can be bombed right in front of me. Why don’t I just take care of that now?
...
I forgot about the lasers you guys.
So many lasers.
In the end, I just say fuck it and book it out of the Eastern Abbey as fast as my Hylian legs can carry me until I can’t hear that damned cursed whirring anymore.
I need another a fucking beer.
Heart Containers: 3
Rupees: Still 0
Shrines Completed: 2
Pants Shat: Still miraculously 0
Beers Drank: Not enough
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